Showing posts from 2016

Floor Banana

If you're scratching your head, wondering whether I've been popping the Colorado candies I brought back from my last visit to 6th street, you've never read Hyperbole and a Half. Tsk tsk. Hurry, go grab the paperback!
Allie Brosh is my hero, she makes me feel like there's something redeemable in the things I despise most about myself. You see, I'm an unmitigated social calamity. The mere thought of interacting with strangers gives me hives. The one thing slightly more terrifying than those inevitable awkward conversational pauses, are customer service desks. Yes, I'm serious. I had a nightmare once that I was at Target trying to return some paperclips, and I couldn't find my receipt. There was a long line of anxious patrons all trying to return their paperclips, but they all had their receipts. The lady behind the counter morphed into a demon, and started screaming "NO RECEIPT, NO RETURN!!!" The people in line all started chanting with her, throwi…